Professional Bereavements by Suicide

By a Harmless Team Member

I found out last week that one of my former clients has died by suicide.

I supported this client two years ago. She came to our service needing suicide prevention support, and following clinical sessions with us, she left the service no longer needing our support. Two years later though, she made the decision to end her life.

When somebody dies by suicide, one of the most difficult aspects of their death is the unanswered questions. The biggest one often being: ‘Why?’.

For me, the question going through my mind was ‘Why didn’t she come back?’. What was it that stopped her from reaching out to the service that had helped her years earlier? And that is a question that I’ll never know the answer to.

I jumped to the conclusion that I had done something wrong. ‘If I had actually been helpful, she would have come back to the service’. ‘I mustn’t have been clear enough that she could refer herself back in’. ‘The discharge plan must have been wrong’. And I worried that my colleagues would make the same assumptions, and think less of me as a result.

When someone dies by suicide, there is a ripple effect. Often, it’s the immediate family and close friends that are caught by the biggest ripples. And as the ripples go outwards, current and former professionals are affected. Losing someone to suicide increases risk of suicide, and professionals are included in this.

For me, my job is central to my sense of purpose, but losing a client to suicide when I work for a suicide prevention service really knocked that. I felt helpless. Some professionals may respond by being hypervigilant; being overly cautious about other clients’ suicide risk for fear of another client ending their life, or not wanting to discharge a client even when they no longer need support to try and continue monitoring them. Some professionals may struggle with feelings of guilt, anger or shame. Others may lose confidence in their competence, and this sadly may result in them leaving the field altogether.

We must always aim for a Zero Suicide society. But we are sadly not in that society yet. And when somebody dies by suicide, supporting those left behind is absolutely vital.

Most bereavement services are specific to the type of relationship someone had with the person who died, e.g. specific services for parents, siblings, children. But The Tomorrow Project is here for anyone caught in that ripple effect, regardless of how close to the centre the person is. Including professionals.

If you are a professional living in Nottinghamshire, Derbyshire, or Leicestershire, and have lost a client to suicide, please know that there is a safe space here for you to talk about it, with people who understand and will not judge you. There is so much stigma and silence surrounding losing clients to suicide, but you deserve support.

You can make a referral to any of our services here.