Eid-al-Fitr: Exploring Grief in Celebration

By Ammarah Peerbhai (Clinical Support Worker) and Jess Paine (Fundraising & Events Officer)

‘In Islam, hardship and loss are acknowledged as inevitable parts of the human condition. While your faith can offer immense strength, meaning and comfort, it does not magically erase the pain of grief’ (Bucks Family Network)

Many of our friends, colleagues, and neighbours will have observed the Muslim holy month of Ramadhaan, culminating in Eid al-Fitr when the new moon is sighted. In this article, we aim to introduce Ramadhaan to those who may not be familiar with it, while also exploring what bereavement can look like for Muslims during this sacred time and discussing ways of managing grief in the midst of Eid celebrations.

During Ramadhaan, Muslims across the world rise before dawn to eat together, then spend all daylight hours for 28 days without food or water. In the summer months, this can mean over 16 hours (in the UK) without food or drink. This spiritual practice is an incredible feat, and the time is considered very special for Muslims. However, Ramadhaan is about much more than discipline; it fosters togetherness and community, brings a sense of peace and slowness, and draws believers closer to Allah. Although this challenge might seem impossible to many, through strength, fellowship and faith, these obstacles are overcome.

Nevertheless, some Muslims will be having a very difficult Ramadhaan, experiencing their first without a loved one, or facing other personal challenges. Absence often feels magnified during significant times, and navigating this alongside extended family gatherings and social obligations can be incredibly hard.

When you are managing your energy, your commitments, and your grief, it is understandable to feel lonely or disconnected. Grief often becomes more present during significant times of the year, particularly those connected to family, faith, memory and belonging. Eid celebrations are rooted in these aspects and can therefore be difficult to separate from feelings of loss.

For some, their loved one may have accompanied them every evening to the extended night prayers (Taraweeh), or broken the fast with them at sunset during iftar. You may find yourself suddenly brought back to those moments or repeatedly reflecting on your loved one’s absence.

As Ramadhaan is a time of traditions and rituals that comes only once a year, observing them without a loved one who was once present can feel unsettling or unfamiliar, and may bring up mixed emotions such as reminiscence, nostalgia, sadness, pain, and longing.

You may notice heightened emotions, tearfulness, fatigue, changes in sleep or a sense of emotional heaviness. It is also common to experience mixed feelings, with gratitude existing alongside sadness, faith alongside questioning, and moments of closeness alongside a deep sense of absence.

How might these feelings manifest during Ramadhaan?
There is a sense of celebration throughout Ramadhaan, as well as at its conclusion with Eid al-Fitr. After Taraweeh, friends may gather at cafés and restaurants to catch up and spend time together following a long day of fasting and prayer. Likewise, people may host special iftars in their homes, inviting relatives, friends or members of their community. There is a strong sense of togetherness, welcome, and shared joy.

However, it is also common to feel at odds with those around you.

Navigating grief in the midst of this happiness, socialising, and community can leave bereaved Muslims feeling disconnected, confused, or even envious. They may struggle to enjoy these activities as they usually would, and may feel weighed down by an invisible burden while those around them seem to be carrying on with life as normal.

Another emotion that grieving Muslims may struggle with is guilt. In Islam, fasting is not only seen as an act of worship, but also one of compassion and empathy. It helps Muslims understand the experiences of those less fortunate than themselves and serves as a reminder to be grateful for what they have. As a result, you may feel guilty for focusing on what you have lost while grieving a loved one. It is very natural to feel torn between these two states, and this can be even more distressing if you are unsure how to navigate the experience, or if you are doing so alone.

Additionally, Ramadhaan is often a time when many Muslims increase their level of worship, as it is a month of heightened spirituality and blessings. Some may struggle to dedicate time or mental space to their spirituality while also trying to honour and remember their loved one. This can create a sense of inner or spiritual conflict, adding further distress. The natural effects of fasting – such as changes in sleep patterns and reduced food intake – can also intensify these feelings, as they may affect your ability to regulate and process emotions and thoughts.

This brings us to an important question: how can one navigate these inner conflicts and manage their impact on emotional and mental wellbeing?

The first thing to do is Accept:
Recognise that grieving is, in itself, a way of expressing love, and is a very normal human experience that many of us will go through at some point in our lives. After all, grief is often described as love with nowhere to go. Accept that it is natural to experience these complex emotions and thoughts when, for example, you glance over and notice the space your loved one would usually occupy during the evening or pre-dawn meal, or when you prepare their favourite Eid dish or sweet treat. Bittersweet moments like these will come and go – try to accept them, rather than resist them, and consider what you can do next to protect your wellbeing.

The second thing to do is Express:
It is natural to suppress or hide feelings of grief, especially during a time of religious significance and festivity. You may feel an obligation not to upset the atmosphere of Ramadhaan or to avoid disrupting those around you. However, when emotions are bottled up or ignored, they often lead to greater distress or become more intense, rather than less. Expressing them in some way can help with processing and lessen their impact.

For example, you might try journalling your thoughts, or engaging in something more creative to express how you feel, such as writing poetry or making art. Allowing your emotions and thoughts to flow – no matter how painful or uncomfortable – can make them feel less burdensome and help you make sense of your inner experience. Opening up to another person can also be deeply beneficial. Ramadhaan is a time of self-reflection and connection with others; sharing your thoughts and feelings with a trusted friend, relative, professional or religious mentor does not diminish the spirit of the month. Rather, it can be a way of honouring it.

The third and final thing to do is Forgive:
Give yourself grace as you experience these difficult emotions. If you feel the urge to blame or criticise yourself, try instead to extend compassion towards yourself – the same kindness you would offer to someone else – and acknowledge your strength in moving through such a profound month alongside these added challenges.

Grief is never easy, and while it can feel daunting to imagine future Ramadhaans and Eids where you will continue to remember and miss your loved one, hold on to this: grief may remain the same size, but over time, life grows bigger around it.