Dads Need Care Too: Reflections Following Father’s Day

By Tom Coyle (Clinical Support Worker)

For many of us, our dads have had big influence on our upbringing and played a huge part in who we are today. In society, we often view a ‘good dad’ as one who provides unconditional love, support, guidance and nurturing for their children and last weekend’s Father’s Day was an opportunity to celebrate the father figures in our life.

However, the difficulties that fathers can go through in supporting us and looking after themselves are often forgotten. Whether they are a new dad, a dad with adult children or grandads part a of multi-generational family, all fathers and all men face difficulties in their own lives.

The sad reality of men’s mental health is that 12.5% of all men in England have a mental health disorder (NHS Digital, 2019), and that men are three times more likely to die by suicide in England than women (Samaritans, 2023). Unfortunately, it has also been found that men who are fathers are at increased risk of mental health difficulties. Below are some statistics that illustrate this:

• Fathers with perinatal mental health problems are up to 47% more likely to be rated as a suicide risk than at any other time in their lives (Quevedo et al, 2010)
  
  

• 62% of dads felt that their mental health difficulties got in the way of them forming a good connection with their children (Fathers Network Scotland, 2019)
  
  
• Over 39% of new fathers wanted support for their mental health (Mental Health Foundation, 2018)

Regrettably in our society, men can experience stigma and judgement in expressing emotion, talking about how they feel and ultimately reaching out for support. But we can take some positive steps to help reduce this stigma for men and dads by doing some simple things that can make a big difference.

Check-In
Just checking-in on your dad and asking how he is or providing a space to listen can be extremely powerful for someone struggling with their mental health.

Showing Love
This can be in any way that feels comfortable to you, but showing your dad or father figure that you care about them is so important. This could be through a little gift – their favourite chocolate or a card – or could just be giving them a hug and telling them you love them.

Foster a Safe Space
A lot of men don’t feel that they have a space to talk about their emotions, so we can help create a safe, non-judgemental space where our dads can express how they are feeling, talk about what’s been going in their life and – if necessary – be vulnerable.

Breaking the Stigma
Unfortunately, stigma exists all around us. Whether this is in our places of work, our families or our friendship groups, we all have heard things like ‘crying is weak’ or similar opinions. But we can challenge this stigma by making clear that male vulnerability, expressing emotions and reaching out takes immense strength and should be both encouraged and supported.

Knowing Where to Get Support
If you know a dad or father figure who is struggling, it is important to know where you can signpost them to. Even approaching that conversation can help them feel more confident and empowered about seeking support. Men’s mental health issues are often a quiet crisis, but if we do our bit to break the silence, we can create a much more understanding, non-judgemental and supportive society for all men – and show the father figures in our lives that it is OK to be vulnerable and to reach out for help.

Getting Support
Harmless has produced a document that includes information for men who might be struggling with their mental health. It includes useful contact details, resources and details of support groups, and it can be downloaded below.