Wearing My Scars on My Wedding Day

By Chloe Webster-Harris (Researcher)

For a long time, I’ve actually been dreading the part of wedding planning that so many people dream about: going dress shopping. Not because I don’t want the dress or the excitement that comes with it, but because I’ve been afraid of being judged. Not for my style or size, but for my self harm scars.

These scars are part of my body, and they tell a story that’s deeply personal. Yet, when I imagine myself standing in a bridal boutique under bright lights, I can’t shake the fear that someone might stare, flinch or ask questions I’d rather not answer. It’s happened to me in day-to-day life – the stares, the questions, the slight look of disgust.

The truth is, I’m actually terrified of looking back at my wedding photos and feeling sad. Not because of the memories, but because of what my arms and chest might show. I’m worried they’ll become the focus, that they’ll take away from the joy, that somehow, they don’t belong in such a beautiful moment.

I’ve been going round and round in circles in my mind: Do I cover them up with long sleeves? Do I find a way to hide them in photos? Do I ask the photographer to edit them out? Or do I stand proudly in a dress I love, scars and all, knowing what I’ve overcome?

The more I thought about it, the more I realised that none of it really matters. Not in the way I feared. My scars don’t define me, but they are part of me. And they are nothing to be ashamed of.

If anyone has a problem with them, that says more about them than it does about me. My scars are not open wounds; they are evidence that I fought through pain and made it to the other side. They are reminders of a time when I was just trying to survive, and I finally understand that I don’t need to apologise for that. I’ve forgiven myself for what I did to cope, and I’ve chosen to love the person who kept going.

So, when I walk down the aisle, I won’t be hiding. I’ll be wearing the dress I love, standing next to the person I love, on the happiest day of my life. And I’ll be bringing all of me, scars included. Because I am strong. Because I am a survivor. And that’s exactly what my fiancée admires about me. That’s who I want to be when I say, ‘I do’.