Finding Community in Unexpected Places

May 8, 2025

By Megan Dooley (Training and Education Officer)

This Mental Health Awareness Week, we’re talking about community: why it matters, how it supports our mental health, and what it really means to feel like you belong.

Psychologists McMillan and Chavis (1986) came up with one of the most well-known ways of understanding what they call ‘sense of community’. According to their research, it’s built on four key elements:

Membership: feeling like you belong, that you’re safe and emotionally accepted
Influence: feeling like your voice matters in the group, and that the group also shapes you
Integration and Fulfilment of Needs: feeling that the group supports your emotional, social, or practical needs
Shared Emotional Connection: a sense of shared history, stories, and experience

I didn’t expect to explore this through Brazilian jiu-jitsu, but that’s exactly what happened.

Jiu-jitsu doesn’t seem like the obvious place to talk about mental health. It’s a grappling-based martial art where you learn to defend yourself using technique and timing rather than strength. It’s mostly done on the ground, and there’s a lot of close contact. Think wrestling meets problem-solving, with a bit of chess thrown in.

I came across it while trying to find some sense of belonging after moving back to the UK. I’d spent years abroad, mostly in cities, and had just moved to a rural town in the Yorkshire countryside. On top of that, I was working remotely. As someone who works in mental health, I was very aware that loneliness and isolation can creep in quietly and start to take a toll if you’re not careful.

Loneliness is more than just being alone. It’s a subjective and often distressing feeling that arises when there’s a gap between the relationships we have and the ones we want. It’s not always visible, and people can feel lonely even when they’re surrounded by others. According to the Campaign to End Loneliness, there are different types of loneliness:

Emotional: missing meaningful relationships
Social: having connections but not the kind that really matter
Existential: feeling disconnected from life itself

It can come and go, relate to a change in circumstance, or become something more chronic. And while loneliness isn’t a mental health condition in itself, it’s closely linked; each can make the other worse.

In suicide prevention work, we often talk about the importance of support networks. One of the strongest predictors of suicidal ideation is thwarted belongingness, the feeling of disconnect from others and having no meaningful social connections. This, alongside feeling like a burden, can deepen emotional distress and increase vulnerability to suicidal ideation (Van Orden et al., 2010).

Social connection, on the other hand, can be incredibly protective, acting as a powerful buffer against distress. The World Health Organisation highlights that strong social ties are essential for good mental and physical health. And the Harvard Study of Adult Development, an 80-year study into what makes life fulfilling, found that the single most important predictor of long-term health and happiness is the quality of our relationships. As Dr. Robert Waldinger, the study’s current director, put it:

‘…over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned into relationships, with family, with friends, with community‘.

That word – community – really matters. So I knew I had to be proactive about building mine. That’s when I noticed a local jiu-jitsu school just a short walk from my house. Honestly, I wasn’t sure it was for me. It looked intense, male-dominated, and involved a lot of physical closeness—something I’ve always struggled with. But then I saw they were offering a free Saturday morning self-defence class for women, and I thought, why not give it a go?

That class was fun, surprisingly empowering, and very welcoming. It gave me the confidence to sign up for a beginner’s course. Six months later, I’m still turning up. But what’s kept me coming back isn’t just the physical side of training; it’s the community.

Looking back, I can really see how my experience reflects the four elements McMillan and Chavis describe:

Membership: In the beginning, I wasn’t sure if I’d fit in, but that’s shifted. I walk into class now and know I’m part of something. We’ve got our own little group of women who all started together, along with some new members who have been quickly embraced, and that shared journey really means something.

Influence: We’re all learning, and we rely on each other to get better. When we are training together, it’s about supporting each other. We ask questions, share tips, and we don’t take ourselves too seriously (or at all)! We’re all shaping the experience together, just by showing up.

Integration and Fulfilment of Needs: This space gives me a break from work and screens, a chance to move my body, get out of my thoughts and connect face-to-face with others. I come away from class feeling lighter, more grounded, and a bit more like myself.

Shared Emotional Connection: There’s a real sense of connection, not just because we train together, but because we’ve all been through the awkward early stages, the nerves, the learning curves. There’s a lot of humour, encouragement, and real friendship. We hug at the end of class, which I think says a lot!

And I’m not the only one who’s found something valuable here. I asked other members to share their views, and they mentioned the surprising sense of achievement that comes from mastering a move, and the way everyone supports and learns from each other. For some, the intense focus required during training offers rare mental quiet: ‘Once you’re paired up and practising, I notice nothing else’.

Others mentioned how jiu-jitsu has helped them meet people outside their usual social circles, building connections across different walks of life. For those juggling heavy responsibilities, it becomes essential self-care. As one woman shared, ‘99% of the time I leave feeling energised, more like myself, and connected with others’.

Even participants who were unsure at first have come to value the camaraderie and shared commitment. One member described how training with others has a stronger pull than going it alone at the gym, saying the ‘community aspect definitely drives you to want to be better’.

To sum up, in spaces big and small, community matters. This Mental Health Awareness Week, I hope we can all reflect on the communities we’re part of, and the small steps we can take to nurture connection, for ourselves and for each other.

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