When I came to here for help, I was struggling. Over the weeks, Harmless has given me space to be honest and to share my feelings. My confidence has grown and I understand myself better as a person
You can make a referral into the service click here
Alternatively, please get in touch using the details below.
Email: info@harmless.org.uk
Nottingham, Nottinghamshire & Bassetlaw
Tel: 0115 880 0280
Leicester, Leicestershire & Rutland
Tel: 0116 309 0171
Understanding Self Harm
What is Self Harm?
Self harm refers to any situation in which a person intentionally injures themselves, regardless of the underlying reason or intended outcome. It can take many forms, including but not limited to:
- Cutting or scratching
- Burning with a flame or something hot
- Causing bruising to the body
- Taking overdoses of tablets or medication
- Inserting objects into the body
- Hair pulling (also known as trichotillomania)
This is not an exhaustive list, but illustrates some of the more common behaviours associated with self harm.
Why do people self harm?
Self harm is a coping strategy that helps people to manage their emotional hurt or stress. It is important to remember that it is not attempted suicide, but it is something that people do in order to survive that has a complex relationship with suicide. Often people self harm to try and feel as if they have more control over their emotions, or to get immediate relief from high levels of distress. Sometimes people harm themselves because of self hate, or because they want to punish themselves. The reasons that someone may self harm may change over time or from incident to incident so always check this out.
But I just don’t get it…
If you are supporting someone who self harms, and have never experienced it yourself, it can be difficult to understand why someone self harms, and how it could possibly be a coping mechanism. Think of it like this – we all do things to cope with our emotions when we feel uncomfortable. Some of us might have a glass of wine, or go for a run, or sing loudly to an expressive song. In many ways, they serve a similar function – a glass of wine might help to numb emotions, going for a run might help to release emotions, and singing might help to express emotions. The difference is that these things are generally socially acceptable. Self harm can function as a way to numb, release or communicate emotions for people struggling.
Who Self Harms?
There is no straightforward answer to this. The reality is that anyone can be at risk of self harm at some point in their life, depending on their experiences and how these experiences affect them personally. People self harm for many different reasons and in many different ways, and what leads one person to harm themselves may not cause the same level of distress in someone else.
A popular myth is that self harm is just a young person’s problem, but this is not true. We know that it is more complex than that, and can impact anyone at any stage of their life.
What Causes People to Self Harm?
Many different factors can cause distress and may lead someone to harm themselves. Issues that can trigger the onset of self harm, or a period of increased self harm, may include bullying, trauma, isolation, abuse, pressures at school or work, financial worries, bereavement, or difficult relationships. However, no personal experience should be dismissed, as what affects one person deeply may impact another differently.
There does not always need to be a specific triggering event. Sometimes people experience a period of lowered self-esteem, heightened distress, or emotional overwhelm that leads them to self harm.
Self Harm is NOT...
- attention seeking or manipulative
- a mental illness; it is a symptom of internal stress or distress
- just a young person’s problem
- a suicide attempt but it is a risk factor for suicide
- the sole problem but is a symptom of emotional distress
- a problem that cannot be solved, people can learn to manage their emotions in a different way
- a behaviour that is risky to others
The severity of self harm is not directly related to the level of distress that the individual is feeling. The fact that someone has harmed themselves is what is significant, not what they did or how severe their harm is.
Change Happens
Self harm is very often an individual’s way of coping and staying alive. People who self harm are more likely to die by suicide than the general public, but the coping mechanism of self harm may be the one thing that keeps them going. If someone’s self harm is taken away from them, or if they are encouraged to hide it or stop for the wrong reasons, this may result in them feeling increased levels of distress with fewer ways to cope with it.
It is really important to remember that self harm is very different to suicidal intent, but at times the two may be close. Someone who is suicidal feels as if they can’t take anymore and their only option is to end their life, whereas someone who self harms feels that they can’t take anymore (of whatever they’re feeling) and their only option is to harm themselves in order to stay alive.
If you tell them to stop when they’re not ready, imagine what they could feel their only option is.
The most helpful treatment for people who self harm is a variety of therapeutic interventions that may take place over a number of weeks, months, or years.
It is advisable not to describe someone who self harms as a ‘self harmer’, as this labels the person solely by their self harm. Doing so can overshadow what is causing them to self harm, and limits opportunities to better understand the whole of their distress. Additionally, it can feel that they are being defined by their self harm, and reduces opportunities to recognise and explore their broader identity.
When I came to here for help, I was struggling. Over the weeks, Harmless has given me space to be honest and to share my feelings. My confidence has grown and I understand myself better as a person
You can make a referral into the service click here
Alternatively, please get in touch using the details below.
Email: info@harmless.org.uk
Nottingham, Nottinghamshire & Bassetlaw
Tel: 0115 880 0280
Leicester, Leicestershire & Rutland
Tel: 0116 309 0171