The Deadly Cost of ‘Man Up’: Why We Need to Break the Cycle for Our Dads

June 15, 2026

By Helen Birch (Training & Education Officer)

Nearly eleven years ago, my world changed forever. I lost my partner. My children lost their Daddy. A wide circle of family and friends lost a man they loved to suicide. One of our children never even got to meet him.

People say it gets easier. It hasn’t. He is missed every single day. The aftershocks of that loss keep coming, mirrored by the constant reports of more men, fathers, brothers and friends taking their own lives. This is a cycle that needs breaking desperately.

I am standing up to shout from the rooftops: THIS NEEDS TO STOP. Suicide should never feel like the only option.

Language Creates a Barrier
‘Boys don’t cry!’ ‘Man up!’ ‘Stop being a girl!’ ‘Don’t be soft!’

These phrases are used every single day, man-to-man and father-to-son. We tell ourselves we are making them tough, strong men, but let’s look at the results of this approach:

500,000 male suicides globally each year.
For every Mum that dies from suicide during the first 1001 critical days 7 Dads will die by suicide.
1 in 10 Dads suffer from Postnatal Depression (PND) and anxiety (and those are just the recorded cases).
50% of Dads experience depression when supporting a partner with PND.
STILL 75% of suicides are male.

We want our boys to be strong. We want our men to hold us up when we fall. But don’t we also want them alive?

The Science of Silence: Beyond ‘Just Talking’
Teaching men to show emotion isn’t about softness. It’s about biology. When we inhibit boys from expressing fear or pain, we risk altering their very response to stress. Our Genotype (our DNA) and our Phenotype (our observable characteristics) are influenced by our environment. The biggest factor? Stress.

When we force boys to suppress their feelings, they live in a state of constant stress. This triggers the ‘fight or flight’ response, releasing cortisol. Repeated, prolonged release of cortisol can eventually make the system less reactive, leaving a man physically and neurologically less able to cope with the stressors of life. By saying ‘Man Up’, we are literally stripping away their biological tools for survival.

The Journey from Nursery to Fatherhood
If we teach a toddler that his tears are ‘girly’, he learns that there is no point in asking for help.

In School: He suppresses the fear of bullying.
In Adolescence: He suppresses the rage and confusion of hormones.
In Adulthood: He reaches for alcohol or drugs to let out the ‘ugly’ outbursts he was never taught to manage.

Then, he becomes a father. Even a ‘smooth’ pregnancy is intimidating. Add in a miscarriage, a traumatic birth, or a partner’s mental health crisis, and we are asking a man to navigate a storm in a boat we purposefully gave him no oars for.

A Call to Action
To the friends down the pub or at the football: When ‘Mr. Life and Soul’ starts acting out of character, getting angry, or making small comments about ‘not doing well’, don’t brush it off.

Ask ‘Are you okay?’ Then ask it again. Mean it. Listen. You could save a life just by being a safe place to land.

To the Health Professionals

If a woman miscarries, so has the Dad.
If a Mum is struggling with mental health, the Dad is too.
If a delivery is traumatic, the Dad just had to watch helplessly.

That man needs the same care and compassion. Don’t just send him home to ‘be the strong one’. They both need a shoulder. They both need to be heard.

The ‘Missing’ Data
It is important to note that many male suicides are not explicitly ‘coded’ as being related to fatherhood in national statistics. However, practitioners are increasingly identifying ‘The Invisible Dad’ syndrome in healthcare settings, where the father’s mental state is ignored during miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal care, leading to a sense of isolation that can become fatal.

Let’s stop the silence. Let’s stop the cycle. Let’s stop suicide.

#IFMHD #DadsMHDay #MensMentalHealth #BreakTheCycle #SuicidePrevention #Fatherhood

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Resources for Dads
If you or a father you know is struggling, the following organizations offer specialised support:

Harmless
Dads Matter UK: Support for dads with PND and anxiety.
Andy’s Man Club: Nationwide peer-to-peer talking groups (the ‘no-jargon’ safe space).
Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM): Call 0800 58 58 58.
Samaritans: Call 116 123 for a ‘calm, compassionate anchor’ at any time.