The Distraction Toolkit: 7 Digital Ways to Delay an Urge

By Caroline Harroe (Harmless CEO)

The urge – that relentless, hot, demanding pressure – shows up uninvited. It operates on a single principle: ‘I am the only way out’.

You feel the familiar signs: the emotional pressure mounts, your thoughts begin to spiral, and suddenly the dangerous coping mechanism – whether it’s self harm, reckless risk-taking, or something else – feels like the single, undeniable solution.

Here is the crucial truth, based on clinical experience: the urge is not an immediate action; it is a temporary feeling.

Intense emotions, even those that feel like a physical flood, are often powerful but short-lived. Your mind and body can only sustain that peak level of distress for a limited time – often just 15 to 30 minutes. Your job right now is simple: to create a conscious, physical gap between the feeling and the action. This is called delay, and it is the most competent thing you can do for yourself in this moment. You have the power to put that feeling on pause, and that small delay is a massive, life-affirming act of self-control.

Psychological science, particularly Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), tells us that the peak intensity of an acute, self harm urge often subsides within 15 to 30 minutes, provided you can successfully apply a distraction technique. This isn’t about making the feeling disappear forever – it’s about putting a delay between and the action, just for a little while. It’s a tiny, powerful rebellion.

When you’re stuck at a forced gathering, or sitting alone in the quiet house, the easiest and most discreet tool you have is already in your hand: your phone. Grab it. It’s time for some strategic, discreet distraction.

The Goal: Delay, Not Delete
We are aiming for Distraction (DBT skill). This is about temporarily shifting focus away from the distressing situation or urge. Think of it as hitting the pause button on the crisis so your logical brain can catch up with your emotional brain.


Your 7 Digital Delay Tactics

1. The Anti-Scroll Algorithm (The Mindless Task)
Instead of mindlessly scrolling social media – which invites comparison – engage in a truly mindless, low-stakes digital task. Actionable Step: Open a language learning app (like Duolingo or Memrise) and practice a completely new alphabet or language for 15 minutes. Or choose a simple puzzle game that requires pattern recognition but zero emotional investment (like Sudoku or Tetris). The focus required is just enough to interrupt the urge-cycle.

2. The Crisis Playlist (The Auditory Anchor)
Before the holidays, create a specific Spotify or YouTube Music playlist titled something neutral like ‘Focus’. Fill it with music that is either intensely calming (nature sounds, ambient, instrumental) or intensely engaging (a heavy metal band you love, opera, a complex jazz piece). Actionable Step: Put in your headphones, turn on the playlist, and focus on the bassline or the vocal texture. This is discreet, socially acceptable and instantly shifts your sensory focus.

3. The Visual Archive (The Beautiful Distraction)
Find a saved folder of images on your phone that you find genuinely beautiful or funny: puppies, sunsets, bizarre memes, or photos of your kids making funny faces. Actionable Step: Open the folder and try to assign a detailed story or character name to every single image. You are forcing your brain to use the narrative and visual processing centres, which takes resources away from the emotional distress centre.

4. The Fact-Finder Mission (The Intellectual Challenge)
Pick a topic you know nothing about and spend 20 minutes deep-diving into the Wikipedia rabbit hole. Actionable Step: Search for ‘History of the Zipper’, ‘Deep Sea Fish’ or ‘Early Roman Plumbing’. The more obscure, the better. You are engaging the higher-level cognitive function.

5. The Digital Compassion Note (The Self-Soothing Tool)
Write a non-sendable text message or email to a friend or mentor explaining, in detail, how you are feeling right now. Do not send it. Actionable Step: The act of translating the swirling chaos into linear text is therapeutic. When done, copy and paste that text into your Notes app and title it ‘Weather Report’. Review it later when you are calm.

6. The YouTube Tutorial Masterclass (The Skill Acquisition)
Go to YouTube and find a tutorial for something completely unrelated to your life: learning to juggle, tying a complex knot, or basic coding. Actionable Step: Dedicate yourself to following the instructions for 10 minutes. The mixture of visual and physical engagement is a powerful redirect.

7. The Emergency Contact Wallpaper (The Reminder)
Change your phone’s lock screen wallpaper to a plain image that has a single line of text: ‘This feeling will pass. Call [Crisis Line Number] if it doesn’t’. Actionable Step: This is a non-negotiable step. Every time you pick up your phone to distract yourself, you get a clean, immediate reminder of your commitment to safety.

When the 15 minutes are up, reassess. If the urge is still at a 9 or a 10, repeat the delay, or use the information on your new lock screen and call someone. You bought yourself crucial time, and that is a massive victory.


______________________________________________________
If you or someone you know needs support for self harm, you can make a referral to Harmless via the button below.